Oversubscribed for the Holidays? Evidence-Based Tools That Can Help
Oversubscribed Newsletter
Season: Q5 2025
Reflection + Celebration
Article by Adriana Jodoin, PsyD, Megan Hughes, PhD, & Amanda McGovern, PhD
The holiday season can come with ups and downs for working parents. On one hand, there is an increased sense of joy and positivity (who doesn’t love holiday lights!?), as well as possible time off work. And on the other hand, it can be filled with busy schedules, missing older generations who have passed, and possible family conflict. Many people engage in “should” thoughts during this time: I should feel happy and relaxed. I should feel excited to spend time with my kids during their break. I should feel grateful for what I have. It is normal to have mixed feelings, especially during the holiday season when there are more triggers than usual, including increased financial burden, time constraints, and extra family time.
As clinicians we know that there is some unhelpful advice out there. So, let’s talk about evidence-based ways to help manage the downs during this season:
As already mentioned, notice “should” thoughts that come to the surface. Instead of “shoulding on yourself,” attempt to have acceptance around these thoughts and feelings that can occur during this season. Try some acceptance-based mantras that include the highs and the lows such as, “I’m excited to see my kids’ faces when they see that new toy and I will really miss my dad that day.” Both are true.
Set boundaries as needed. If you are feeling at capacity, whether it is your time, money, or mental energy, it is warranted to take space and communicate your limits. It is often challenging, especially for people-pleasers out there (guilty as charged!), to express yourself and potentially face pushback or feel misunderstood. However, in the long run, this practice will become easier, you will feel more empowered, and others will learn what you need. Try simple phrases to a loved one like, “I am feeling overwhelmed right now, would you mind taking over for a bit?”
Take care of your physical body. We often underestimate the basics and how our bodies can support our mental health. Research supports getting good sleep, eating minimally processed and whole foods, and engaging in regular exercise as being beneficial for stress, anxiety, and depression. Focus on what’s doable for you, such as increasing exercise by walking around your block after dinner or buying more vegetables the next time you are at the grocery store.
Engage in evidence-based self-care activities, such as getting massages and attending a yoga class (or a Youtube yoga class, like Yoga with Adriene). Getting massages reduces blood pressure, heart rate, and cortisol levels. People report higher levels of relaxation and alertness and lower levels of stress and anxiety from massages. Engaging in yoga also reduces blood pressure, heart rate, and cortisol levels. People report less stress, anxiety, and depression and also improved sleep, well-being and quality of life. Keep in mind that some commonly suggested self-care activities may not have evidence supporting it, such as getting manicures and pedicures, and some may even increase negative feelings and reinforce aggressive behaviors, such as venting anger physically through punching a pillow or going to a “rage room.”
Practice gratitude journaling. Research suggests that writing daily gratitude lists increases positive emotions and decreases symptoms of depression, and the more frequently you do it, the better you feel. Evidence also suggests that gratitude journaling at the end of your day helps you to wake up in a better mood. Try writing down five things that you are grateful for at the end of your day and see for yourself.
Engage in self-compassion. Mindful self-compassion is another self-care tool with a robust evidence base. A typical self-compassion exercise has three steps:
Notice you are having a hard time (“Ugh, this is hard!”)
Reminding yourself that you are not alone (“I’m not alone, other people feel this way too.”)
Be kind to yourself (“I’m a good person who makes mistakes sometimes, and that’s okay.”)
Dr. Kristin Neff is a self-compassion researcher who offers guided self-compassion practices for adults. Further, Jamie Lynne Tatera has adapted self-compassion tools for parents to use with their children. Here is a video of her explaining the three components of self-compassion to her daughter and engaging in a brief kid-focused self-compassion break.
Get extra support if needed. This might be the time to get back into therapy (or to try it out for the first time). Or possibly explore medication or a support group. It is important to remember that even though this is a time of ups and downs, you are not alone. Some great resources include:
Alma: An excellent therapist directory to find providers that take insurance.
Psychology Today: One of the most extensive therapist directories out there. Many private practice clinicians market themselves on this website.
As clinicians, we will also be using all of these skills during the upcoming holiday season and hope you found some tips and tricks to use, too.
-Adriana, Megan & Amanda
Our guest co-author for this article is Adriana Jodoin, PsyD. Dr. Jodoin is a licensed clinical psychologist in NY & MA. She works with kids, teens, adults, and parents in her private practice. She is also a Clinical Assistant Professor of Psychology in Psychiatry at Weill Cornell Medical College.
Read more about the seasons of parenting, in our previous article on Sarah Hart-Unger’s working parent quintiles.